Children of Suicide: Growing Up in the Shadows of Loss
- Hilary Valdez
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
One of my saddest memories as a trauma specialist was conducting a group therapy session for children. A Christmas Eve fire had destroyed multiple apartment units, leaving the children without homes. Sitting in a circle, filled with fear and disappointment, the eyes of the tiny children were filled with confusion and despair, staring at me for answers. Their questions pierced my soul. “Will Santa Clause come back?” “Will I still receive my presents?” “Will we still have a turkey dinner?” “What about my teddy bear?” “Where is my cat?” “What do we do now?” “Where will we go?” Their minds swirled in anxiety, as tears replaced joy. I was choking back my emotions as my heart was being torn from my body with anguish, unable to quell their fright. I’m not a child psychologist and felt so inadequate to address their psychological safety needs. My clinical lane was dealing with men suffering from PTSD, anxiety, depression, and substance abuse. That was easier for me.
Last year in Japan, 529 elementary, junior high and high school students took their lives. Japan’s health and welfare ministry states school-related problems, such as poor grades, inability to decide a future academic course, depression, and bad relations with parents, were contributing to suicide. Despite the increase among children, the total number of suicides in Japan fell to 20,320 last year, down 1,517 from the previous year.
Suicide is often the result of untreated mental illness, and claims more than 700,000 lives annually, making it a leading cause of death among the younger generation. The numbers paint a grim picture. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), depression is now the leading cause of disability worldwide, affecting over 280 million people. Anxiety disorders are just as widespread, with nearly 300 million people suffering globally.
Unlike physical diseases, mental health disorders do not always have visible symptoms, making them easy to overlook. Mental illness leads to decreased productivity, increased healthcare costs, and a rise in disability claims, especially with veterans. According to the December 2024 National Veterans Suicide Prevention Annual Report, 17.6 veteran suicides per day were recorded, of which 7.0 per day were among Veterans who received VHA care in 2021 or 2022. Simultaneously, suicide was the second leading cause of death for veterans under the age of 45. There were 6,407 veteran suicide deaths in 2022 and 271 of those suicides were among female veterans.
Commonly cited factors leading to increased suicide risk in veterans were: Anger, rage, mood swings, and episodes of anxiety, agitation and feelings of having no reason to live. Also, increased alcohol and/or substance misuse, including self-destructive and risky behaviors like driving while impaired, added to suicidal risks. The pressures of everyday life, economic instability, job insecurity, and the social media have contributed to increased suicides.
The COVID-19 pandemic worsened the crisis, with lockdowns, isolation, and uncertainty leading to increased stress, depression, and anxiety. Even as the world returns to normalcy, the mental health scars remain.
While technological advancements have revolutionized communication, they have also contributed to mental health issues. Studies show that excessive use of social media correlates with increased anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem, particularly among teenagers. Constant exposure to unrealistic portrayals of life creates pressure to conform, leading to feelings of inadequacy and loneliness. Being a strong parental role model to your child and providing guidance, helps mentally stabilize struggling kids in establishing their positive self-esteem and self-concept. Being a parent is tough, but it’s clear cut. You volunteered.
The world has faced a series of pandemics and chronic disease outbreaks. One of the most pervasive and damaging epidemics remains largely unseen: the mental health crisis. Anxiety, depression, and other mental health disorders are rising, affecting millions across all age groups and social backgrounds. Despite growing awareness, mental health remains misunderstood and often stigmatized. Access to care remains a significant challenge. There is a shortage of mental health professionals. Long wait times, high costs, and limited insurance coverage prevent people from seeking help.
According to the WHO, more than 75% of people with mental health disorders in developing nations receive no treatment. Cultural stigma further discourages people from acknowledging their struggles or seeking professional support. In many societies, mental illness is still seen as a sign of weakness or personal failure.
I just don’t understand; If your car needs a tune-up or oil change, you get it fixed. Same with people, if your hard drive (brain) is sputtering would you get a tune up?
Question is: do you need a minor or major tune up? And if your child is sputtering, would you want your child to suffer? Children are society’s most precious gift and resource. Invest in your children. Invest in their happiness and well-being. Maintain a positive and healthy relationship. Don’t make them cry. Children are the leaders of the future. Society needs healthy leaders.
About the Author:
Hilary Valdez is a freelancer living in Tokyo, Japan. He is an experienced Mental Health professional and Resiliency Trainer. Valdez is a former Marine and has worked with the military most of his career and most recently worked at Camp Zama as a Master Resiliency Trainer. Valdez now has a private practice and publishes books on social and psychological issues. His books are available on Amazon and for Kindle. Learn more about Valdez and contact him at his website or email (InstantInsights@hotmail.com). Follow his YouTube channel Hilary’s Quick Talk for more insights.
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